It looks like her dreams will never come true.

Eat that, Melissa! According to the most advanced research of our time I’ll be the one in leather pants rocking out to fans I don’t really care about and doing mass quantities of coke backstage with Mini-Me. I wasn’t even considering a career in music until I saw this. But why not now? Otherwise I’m wasting my God random universe given talents.

You’re probably all like “Yah, well I’m better than you at SingStar and Guitar Hero”. Maybe so, but re-read that headline. First born has always been where it’s at. Maybe it’s because Mom loves me more.

I wonder if it’s too late to get on American’s Got Talent? Probably win it. I can’t even play chopsticks on a keyboard or find a beat let alone carry a tune, but statiscally it doesn’t matter. Like Laverne & Shirley I’m gonna make my dreams come true (doin’ it my way)!

Don’t let it get you down Melissa. You’re good at other stuff like sewing and laundry, and I’ll definitely need people on tour to take care of those things. Leather pants tear all the time. Especially with girls I’ll be bringing home.

I have a litmus test for people who claim they “love” The West Wing. I ask them “Have you watched seasons 5, 6, or 7?” If the answer is “Yes”, it’s obvious they’re a liar. Anyone who continued to watch TWW after season 4 when Aaron Sorkin stopped writing the show never understood what made the show great. TWW was driven by storytelling and dialogue, and nobody writes better dialogue than Aaron Sorkin.

Rewind to October 24, 2003 for the start of season 5 – arguably the worst day of my life. Amazingly I had missed the news that Sorkin had not returned to TWW this year. So, I’m sitting there watching the first episode and I’m slowly getting this feeling something wasn’t right. That something was missing. It didn’t have the same flow. When the show ended I called my Mom and said “Hey did you see that? It wasn’t very good”. And that’s when I found out Sorkin had left the show back in May. I was swirling with emotions. Proud that I was able to detect Sorkin’s signature was missing, relieved he didn’t have writer’s block, and upset the show was over – for me.

I have not, to this day, watched seasons 5, 6, or 7 and I assure nobody appreciated the show more than I did. People have said to me “Don’t you want to know what happens to the characters?” I really don’t.

Yes, I loved the characters. I idolized them and wished that was how government was run. But I didn’t love them because they were great actors, and I’m not taking anything away from them as it’s impossible for me to imagine anyone else in their roles. I loved them because of what they said. The conversations they had, particularly the walk-and-talks were like listening to a symphony.

Still think it was the actors?

Additionally, the cast won 7 Emmy’s for acting while Sorkin was writing the shows and only 2 after he stopped. ZOMG!

I liken being able to write dialogue to hitting a golf ball. Hitting a golf ball isn’t a terribly hard thing to do. Nor is it difficult to jot down a couple names and a few lines of conversation. What is hard is hitting the golf ball 300 yards and landing it on a narrow fairway 8 out of 10 times. What is hard is writing dialogue so powerful it invokes a kid ten years in the future to still be talking about it.

The second reason I wrote this was to share a hidden gem I found on the internetz. If you’re familiar with TWW or Sorkin you should know he also wrote the movie The American President. There is a very powerful speech at the end of the movie (see below).

What I didn’t know was moments before this speech there was a scene in the script that never made it to air. You can read it by clicking here, but you need to have seen The American President to truly appreciate the layering in the writing. I have no idea why this wasn’t filmed and used in the movie. It would’ve been such a great lead in to the speech and a great moment between Lucy and her father.

My name is Jason Parmele, and I am the Supreme Ruler of the World.

According to leaked documents, the volcano causing flight disruptions around the world is actually a devious plot by Icelandic officials to force McDonald’s to return to their country. In October of 2009, McDonald’s announced they were pulling out of Iceland because “the whole place is covered in ice”.

Sources close to the King of Iceland, Ólafur Ragnar Grímsson, report he was a “big fan” of the Quarter Pounder and cheese. Back in 2004, another Icelandic volcano disrupted air travel just months after McDonald’s announced they would stop offering super-sized meals. Coincidence? I’ll let you decide. No.

The document was left behind in a Redwood City, CA beer house by a recently outed Icelandic spy, Gray Powell. Gray was reportedly out celebrating his birthday when the document slipped out his pocket and was found by a random drunk guy. When random drunk guy showed it to his friends they just thought it was a viral marketing campaign by McDonald’s and waited around for hours hoping for a flash mob to appear. Two days later the volcano in Eyjafjallajökull erupted and the friends of random drunk guy sold the rights to Jason Parmele.com for 10,000,000 Icelandic króna (approx. $5).

As it was then, Iceland hasn’t quited hammered out the details of step two. Some people suggest now that Europe is without any air defense Icleand may use its Air Force to strike McDonald’s European headquarters in Geneva. The problem with that theory is, of course, Iceland doesn’t have an Air Force. Nor a Navy or Army. Iceland’s only military consists of 7 volunteers, 1 rescue helicopter and a 30 year old fishing trawler which is currently undergoing repairs after an altercation with an iceberg.

When Iceland’s Court Jester, Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir, was confronted with this claim at Tuesday’s press conference outside Ice Castle she denied it, saying “How would our planes get through the ash?” and continuing, “No, really, anyone have any ideas?”

[Update: We received the following letter from Iceland's volunteer military. In summary, they want their attack plans back. Presumably because it's still a work in progress.]

Additional credit for this article should be given to Ailill Breffni.

The Irish are about to take deep offence to what I’m going to say, largely because they’re still not over Thierry Henry’s hand ball in the World Cup qualifier. But I wish the Irish were a little bit more like the French. The economy here sucks. In France they’d already have stormed the Ministry of Finance offices and beheaded someone. Nobody throws a good protest like the French.

The Boston Tea Party was a tipping point in the American Revolution and a homage to the French. The Irish, of course, love their tea and will never toss it into the harbor.

We, New Yorker’s, tend to think our 8% sales tax is too high. But it’s nothing compared to the 21% tax (VAT) in Ireland. This country is run by the Sheriff of Nottingham. (Proof below! I got his business card.) I generally don’t use this web space to advocate for violence, but someone needs to cut his heart out with a spoon.

I like to use the iPod Touch as an example. First, the Dollar ($) is about .70 of the Euro (€). An 8GB iPod Touch at any retalier costs $199 in the US. So, 199 x .70 should give you the cost of an iPod in €. Therefore you would expect it to cost €140 in Ireland. But that’s not what it costs.

A iPod Touch here is €199. Strip away the currecy signs and they’re the same price: 199. That blows my mind. I’ll be the first to say I don’t understand money. Largely, in part, because I don’t have any. But how could they both sell for 199. One of the currencies is 30% more valuable.

Every one here likes to point out the € is worth more, but they’re paying more for shit. That iPod Touch just cost them $270. Boned.

I went into Centra to buy a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and it was marked as €7.99. That’s fucking $11 you dumbasses. They’re $2.99 on sale and $3.99 regular price in Wegmans (at home). And yah, then plus 8% tax. To be fair, Superquinn normally carries it for €4.99, but that’s still $7.

Hello, McFly! Anybody home? We’re in a recession.

What really bothers me is there are no wholesalers and the concept of buying in bulk only applies to alcohol. For example, you want to buy a 20 oz Gatorade. They’re €2.00 each. What if you want to buy 6? Well, they’re still €2 each. They don’t even sell them in 6 or 12-packs. Want to buy 24? That’s €48 ($68).

A 24-pack of 20 oz Gatorade’s only costs $13.88 at Sam’s Club. That’s a $55 difference. The Irish are being raped by the Sheriff and the only plausible explanation is they love it.

In cooperation with Fortune Limited Inc., and featuring the directorial debut of Dave Calpin I’m pleased to release the video portion of last year’s Multimedia & Design’s Adobe Flash project: Super Jason.

Props to Mairead who created our props. And, of course, a big thanks to Tim Coffen for the t-shirt design.