Yo Facebook, I’m really happy for you and I’mma let you finish, but Google had one of the best alogrithms of all time.
I hated Facebook’s People You May Know tool, which is now just called Suggestions. Here is a suggestion: stop recommeding I become friends with my high school classmates like Paul DeGraff. He tried to steal my Joe Montana Topps rookie card in sixth grade. Also, please stop trying to force me to become friends with my girlfriend on your social networking site. Yes, we have 64 mutual friends. Yes, we live together, but I don’t want her in my virtual world.
I don’t need her updates anyway. I already know she’s playing Mario Kart in the other room. (She’s practicing for her nightly beating on the Mushroom Cup. Baby Peach on a motorcycle just can’t compete with me and Luigi.) I admit it would be kind of nice not to have to get up to see what’s she’s doing and risk a conversation about how her day was. I see the appeal there. If I could just open my browser, click my favorites, log in, search her name and click to find out she’s in the other room playing the Wii it could definitely make my life a bit easier. However, I know from past experience it’s not that easy.
We used to friends on MySpace. I didn’t work out well – for me. Random girls from the night before would leave “lol <3″ comments on my page and blow my “I was at the library” cover story. For weeks my girlfriend thought I was a hardcore-serious student. I suppose the 50% on my Databases exam would’ve given it away if MySpace hadn’t. She’d check my MySpace after a night “studying” and ask me who JenBunny19lolxoxo was? “I have no idea” worked the first time and never after with Ashley21foru or my other MySpace admirers.
What? We’re not married.
If I’m occasionally flirty on Facebook isn’t it possible (if I can’t see) that my girlfriend is too? No. Why? She saves her password in her browser and I log in to check while she’s playing the Wii.
Also, the real reason, her ex-boyfriend doesn’t know we’re dating and he’ll probably want to fight. Hush-hush, k?
