Normally, I know everything. Square root of 16? 4. Best type of Wheat Thins? Hint of Salt. Best color? Blue. Who is feeling worse this morning, Kyle Williams or Billy Cundiff? Oh, Kyle Williams, most definitely. See, I’m a wealth of knowledge.
But, I haven’t figured out how I declare for the 2012 NFL Draft. This is the year.
Last year I choose to stay at Microsoft for my Sophomore year. At the time I felt it was the right move for my career. I thought answering emails, creating PowerPoint templates, and producing podcasts was where God wanted me. My co-workers wanted me back and I was looking forward to the opportunity to three-peat as the Best Workplace in Ireland. To walk away from that, with the talented intern class we had coming in would’ve been a shame I thought.
In hindsight, I should’ve went pro. My family needed the money and I almost blew out my wrist with Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.
So, this year I decided to declare. Only, I can’t quite figure out how. It seems so easy. ESPN would lead you to believe that college athletes just sort of announce it. So, ‘I declare.’ Am I in? Do I need to update my Facebook status or tweet this it? I probably need an agent.
I can’t seem to get a hold of Scott Boras. So, I emailed IMG:
IMG represents like everybody.
If you’re an NFL team and you saw me on SportsCenter, here’s some more FAQs:
Q: What position do you play?
A: Offense AND defense.
Q: No special teams, huh?
A: That’s for practice squad players.
Q: Where did you play college ball?
A: SUNY Brockport. In the quad.
Q: What’s your 40-yard dash time?
A: Really fast. List of people I’ve beat in a race: Mairead O’Callaghan, Eric Peskor, Mike Ciulla, Robert Arevalos*, Clayton Au-Yueng*.
Q: What type of contract demands might you have?
A: A few mil. A Segway for getting around the practice facilities. Weekends off.
*Pending.
It’s probably not too early to begin thinking about drafting me in your fantasy leagues. I’m gonna double what Chris Johnson did all year in my first game. Once the offensive coordinator sees what I can do, every play will probably be “throw it up to P”. That’s what we do it flag football. I run deep.
If you guys know somebody, a GM, a coach, Mel Kiper Jr., let them know I’m eligible. Thursday, April 26th I could be wearing your team’s jersey**.
**I may just end up buying this from Sports Authority.
