Despite nearly 2-to-1 odds I did not win this years family Oscars. Plagued by injuries, broken DVD players, age restrictions and European distribution, I was unable to see many of the nominated movies. Known for sweeping the Short Film Animated and Live Action categories I stumbled this year. Kavi was suppose to be a shoe-in, but lost out to The New Tennants. Such bullshit.
Sunday’s fiasco reminded me of three years ago when I misread the Best Documentary Feature as the Worst Documentary Feature and selected Jesus Camp instead of An Inconvenient Truth. Chalked up to nerves, most people figured I would rebound this year. It’s estimated that 70% of attendees at this years Oscar party expected me to be correct on 22 of the 24 categories. And I would’ve been if it wasn’t for the following 13 categories: Cinematography, Foreign Language Film, Sound Editing, Sound Mixing, Costume Design, Leading Actress, Supporting Actress, Directing, Documentary Short, Film Editing, Short Film Animated, Short Film Live Action, Original Screenplay, and Best Picture.
How the fudge monkeys did The Hurt Locker win Best Original Screenplay. They’re being fucking sued for stealing the story! The Hurt Locker single handedy “blew” my chances of winning. It was nominated in 9 categories. It won 6, and I didn’t pick it for a single one.
I won’t call it a bad movie. But definitely over-hyped. “Best war movie of all-time”? It’s not even the best war movie in the last 10 years. Black Hawk Down was way better and wasn’t even nominated for Best Picture (2002). Point proven.
And so, to the victor goes the spoils. This years winner, with 16 correct categories, is: Melissa Parmele. No relation. (Possibly my sister – blood tests pending. We share at least one common gene: winning.)
Watch the other award shows and sometimes go with your gut and you’ll do pretty good.
- Melissa
Runner-up or more commonly referred to as the first loser was Mike Ciulla (15 correct). Unfortunately for me, and eventually you, I lost a side bet with Mike giving him control over my site for one post. I’m sure he’s already hard at work preparing a statement and painting a six-pack on his abs.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Karma for me not winning the caption competition
This is a three-pointer. Brace yourself:
Firstly, even if The Hurt Locker unashamedly ripped off /was Inspired By ™ a soldier’s true story (FYI: the writer invited said soldier to the premier, long after which said soldier realised – unforgivingly late by normal standards – that he could’ve made some money) it’s still the BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY. Until that soldier proves that he wrote a dramatized screenplay of his life before this movie was conceived, his suit is as baseless and unholy as cheeseburger-flavoured Pringles.
Secondly, I said all this to you in person and your only response was “comment on my blog”. Are you even a real person anymore?!
Thirdly, what were we talking about?
A reply in 4 parts (one more than you because I will always 1-up you):
(1) It’s still not original to the screenplay writers – who were awarded the Oscar. They stole it from other well documented sources.
(2) That quote, while actual, was taken out of context.
(3) The Hurt Locker. Dude, it was like 2 secs ago. You only wrote 50 words and forgot about it?
(4) Also, I invited you to the banoffee party and this is the thanks I get?
(1) Straw man argument. But let’s say your point is valid: I accept your position, and you’re right; the academy really shouldn’t have awarded them with the Oscar for Best Screenplay Based on Unique Events and Characters Both Fictional and Real. Oh, wait…
(2) Duly noted. Context: we were eating delicious Banoffee pie.
(3) Apologies. I tend to get short-term, rage-induced amnesia when someone is wrong on the internet.
(4) Thanks
“Straw man argument”? Must be a typo. Assume you meant to say: Strong argument man. Then I stopped reading after “I accept your position, and you’re right”. Agreed.
Finally – someone who didn’t like Hurt Locker. I thought it was a heap of crap.