According to leaked documents, the volcano causing flight disruptions around the world is actually a devious plot by Icelandic officials to force McDonald’s to return to their country. In October of 2009, McDonald’s announced they were pulling out of Iceland because “the whole place is covered in ice”.
Sources close to the King of Iceland, Ólafur Ragnar Grímsson, report he was a “big fan” of the Quarter Pounder and cheese. Back in 2004, another Icelandic volcano disrupted air travel just months after McDonald’s announced they would stop offering super-sized meals. Coincidence? I’ll let you decide. No.
The document was left behind in a Redwood City, CA beer house by a recently outed Icelandic spy, Gray Powell. Gray was reportedly out celebrating his birthday when the document slipped out his pocket and was found by a random drunk guy. When random drunk guy showed it to his friends they just thought it was a viral marketing campaign by McDonald’s and waited around for hours hoping for a flash mob to appear. Two days later the volcano in Eyjafjallajökull erupted and the friends of random drunk guy sold the rights to Jason Parmele.com for 10,000,000 Icelandic króna (approx. $5).
As it was then, Iceland hasn’t quited hammered out the details of step two. Some people suggest now that Europe is without any air defense Icleand may use its Air Force to strike McDonald’s European headquarters in Geneva. The problem with that theory is, of course, Iceland doesn’t have an Air Force. Nor a Navy or Army. Iceland’s only military consists of 7 volunteers, 1 rescue helicopter and a 30 year old fishing trawler which is currently undergoing repairs after an altercation with an iceberg.
When Iceland’s Court Jester, Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir, was confronted with this claim at Tuesday’s press conference outside Ice Castle she denied it, saying “How would our planes get through the ash?” and continuing, “No, really, anyone have any ideas?”
[Update: We received the following letter from Iceland's volunteer military. In summary, they want their attack plans back. Presumably because it's still a work in progress.]
Additional credit for this article should be given to Ailill Breffni.
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lols ;o)