Check it, yo. I was listening to Kris Kross this morning (as you do) and I realized they weren’t just a gimmick duo with backward clothes and sideways caps. The Mack Daddy and Daddy Mack were rapping about real issues that every 12yr old in America could relate to. Take “Jump” for example. Back then I thought I was supposed to just jump up and down. How high? Real high. But today I realize “Jump” is about standing up to school bullies. To make sure you don’t come off as “whack” and to “jack” kids who step to you. Believe dat.
Who couldn’t relate to “I missed the bus”? I still, to this day, wake up and lay back down thinking I can chill ’til the time comes around. Getting ready before the bus came was perhaps the biggest worry I had in the 6th grade, besides trying to get Melissa Persia to notice me. Which you’d think would’ve been easier given that the alphabet Gods placed our lockers right next to each other every year (Parmele, Persia). Until probably the worst day of my life – the first day of school in the 10th grade. We had a new student: Matt fucking Perry. Now the lockers went: Parmele, Perry, Persia. Coincidentally, that’s the same day I became an Atheist (years later I became Agnostic). Those two minute exchanges between classes were pretty much the only reason I made the bus to begin with.
I will always hate that kid (it’s also the reason I could never get into Friends). If Kris Kross had a song about this it would be called “I hate when new kids move to town”. Featuring lyrics like “Yo man, it was perfect before you came” and “You messed everything up, 4 realz”. He pretty much ruined my life. A couple more years of funny locker comments and she definitely would’ve went to prom with me. Instead, Julie Vendetti turned me down and I entered a downward spiral of cola drinks and Arby’s Chicken Bacon & Swiss sandwiches.
I’m so upset thinking about this I can’t finish my Kris Kross bit where “Warm it up” was really about streching before athletics and that I thought they were arguing ’cause the Mack Daddy was always like “Warm it up Kris!” and the Daddy Mack was all like “Dude, I’m about to…leave me alone”.
However, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m going as Kris Kross for Halloween this year.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
As Mack Daddy or Daddy Mack?
The Mack Daddy, obviously.
If the Kris Kross outfit falls through, you could always try to rummage up a Matt Perry costume.
Actually, if I can’t find a partner to be the Daddy Mack. I might go as the cross section of a Chicken Bacon & Swiss. Man I miss those!
Matty Perry looks like a frickin’ serial rapist.
I wonder is Melisa Persia is still wicked hot?