I got boned again on the LUAS. Not that type of “boned” you perv. I got a ticket for riding without a pass. By itself that doesn’t bother me. I’m pissed I wasn’t able to talk myself out of it, again.

Admittedly, I’m pretty good and talking myself out of bank fees or getting an extra 10% off clothes. I’m the guy you call when your landlord is being a douche about your security deposit. The guy at the theme park pulls the rope down in front of you and says “Sorry, closing” who do you call? Ghostbusters? No. Me! I’ll get you on that ride.

I’d like to say I’m charming, but really all you have to do is ask in most situations. I rarely buy anything without asking the sales clerk “So, this is 10% off, yah?” I can’t count the number of times that has worked. People in phone banks, sales clerks, or people at Burger King could care less about their employer. Generally they hate their job and their only job satisfaction is helping other people, and I assure you that 10% off my Whoper meal helps. Every €0.68 helps.

Probably to pay this ticket.

The guy who gave me the ticket wasn’t having any of my “charm”. LUAS inspectors must go to stonewall camp where they’re trained to ignore or say “No” to everything. The final exam is probably some crying little boy who runs up to them and says “Please help, my house is on fire…my sister is stuck”. To which the inspectors don’t budge as the kid continues to plead with them “Help me please!” And anyone who saves the little girl doesn’t graduate from the training program.

I got on the LUAS this morning and completely forgot I had buy a new weekly pass. Between the second and third stop I realized what I had done, but no biggie I thought, I’ll just get off at the next stop and buy one. It really is too risky to try and ride the six or seven more stops without a ticket -they’re always checking in the morning.

Of course, I forgot about Parmele’s Law. As we’re pulling up to the next stop I look out and see not one, not two, but six god danm LUAS inspectors on the platform. The only appropriate words here are: WTF. As Jay-Z says “I got two choices y’all pull over the car or bounce on the double put the pedal to the floor”. They’re gonna either get on and see I don’t have a ticket or when I get off to buy one see that I didn’t have one. It’s obvious there is no way to win. So, I jump off and walk up to the ticket machine, and naturally, the guy walks over asking to see my ticket from before. I launch into my spiel and showed him my expired ticket and explained I just got on at Ranelagh and I was getting off the buy a new ticket…yada, yada, yada. But he was completely stonewalling me.

He wrote me the ticket anyway and told me I could probably appeal it, to which I said, “Then why write it?” Stonewall Jackson had nothing further to say. I had the previous one appealed so hopefully this one will be as well.

Notice above I scanned in my Subway rewards card so they know I’m a VIP when they get my letter.

{ 9 comments }